Run, Lola, Run!!

For most I think school was a humdrum drudgery that was dreaded every morning of every week.........for me, school was my sanctuary!! It was time away from a homelife I not only dispised, I dreaded returning to every afternoon.  The bus ride home was always too fast!! I have always been like a sponge when it came to learning!! I attended mostly Catholic schools so for a long period in my life I aspired to become a Nun!! Imagine that??.......lmao God would have been dreading dealing with me!!  Sometimes I would climb off of the bus and before the two block hike home (and trust me I use the term home very loosely) I would just sit on the curb and cry!! I knew once I entered the doors there .......there could be no more tears!! The walk home always had me going over every step I took that morning before leaving for school......sure that I had forgotten to do something or doing it wrong......and always there would be a yelling waiting for me when I got there.....if not the belt! It seemed my whole being was wrong......nothing I did, no matter how hard I tried ever turned out right!! Was I just doomed to this life forever?? Would a day come when I would be able to be free from the abuse, free from all that I had learned to hate at too early an age in any childs life?? Did others have mothers that despised them as mine so apparently did me? Was I a freak of nature never to be a carefree child like I had been in my first seven years of my life? Apparently so!!

But I did escape! I was able to be free again.....to smile, to laugh, to cry at my own choosing, to learn how harsh the world could be and at the same time, how wonderful !! So today at the age of sixty-five I can look back and know I did all in my life that I had to do to feel like a valid human being........dramatic? For sure!!!  I wouldn't trade one minute of this life for anything in the world.......the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful!! It all has combined in a manner to make me, ME!! And after years of trying to be perfect, I am the first to admit, I am NOT!! And its okay........lol  I did the best job I knew how to do and had marvelous teachers along the way to help guide me into motherhood.....adulthood......coping skills (still have not perfected this one! lol) but I am proud to have landed on two feet.........my own two feet!!  Survived two marriages, four children, 12 grandchildren and now six great grandchildren!! Some days I can just sit and wonder back over the years and pick and choose things I might have done differently but wouldn't! I can appreciate all that has happened to me as a wife, ex-wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother and a woman!! WOW........what a ride its been!! Is it any  wonder I have a fear of heights, water, fire, small spaces, critters, alcohol, drugs, men, women, kids, foods I can't recognize, some foods I can recognize........my goodness what a psychotic mess I have ended up being!! But for the most part its been fun, its been an education, its been many learning experiences wadded up into a ball and now at this stage in my life.........I am still bound and determined to learn more!!

So off to school I go once more!!! Now attending Hancock College in Santa Maria California!! Im taking a Paralegal course that is absolutely more interesting than I could have dreamed it would be.  I have an attorney in the biggest law firm in Santa Maria as our teacher and he is wonderfully entertaining while teaching us the fudementals of law in a way we can truly understand it!! We have several pre-law students in the class and he told them that if you do not feel from the bottom of your gut that the constitution provides for everyone to have a fair trial and legal counsel and that the constitution along with the amendments are the center post of our society and should be used ethically at all times to the letter.......then maybe this is not the profession for them........it took him seventeen years to be a certified attorney!! And $144,000.00!!! He says its a large chunk of your life to invest into a career that may not in the end suit you!! So he tells us often of cases that he has dealt with personally some of which are quite controversial to see one, our reactions, and two, to hear our points of view! Its facinating to say the least but has put me in a dilema again!! Do I just finish the math and arts requirements I need to obtain a liberal arts degree or do I go full speed ahead and get a degree or a certificate in Paralegal..............hmmm, decisions, decisions!! But I think I will at least after this semester go ahead and finish the requirements to get my AA and then maybe follow up on this paralegal stuff!! 

And who knows.........by then I'll be approaching seventy...........law school???     Hahahahaha