Run, Lola, Run!!

Thanksgiving was wonderful !! Now we are into December and Christmas means the girls come home!!  Here we go again.........DRAMA!!  I spent the month getting ready for Christmas and poor Dan, he tried so hard to make this easy for me........but my apprehension I'm afraid could not be hidden! On top of the girls coming home and seeing me in their mothers home for the first time, I find out that their mothers best friend and her family come for Chritstmas also!! Ok.......I just had to go to bed a couple of times when I got overwhelmed at the thought of Christmas creeping closer and closer!!

My first and foremost thoughts were that I didn't want the girls to resent me......yes it was all about me for once!! I did not want them to see me as an intruder in their mothers home.  I have always tried to keep it much as it was then which wasn't hard to do cause I was too tired when I got home from work to do much........that made me feel like a lazy ole thing but I was doing more physical work than I was used to and age do have a way of catching up with you when you least expect it to!! At that time even though I had moved in I tried to keep my things put away for the most part not have them all over the house!!

Finally the day got here and I spent most of it cooking.......I just wanted everything to be perfect!! We had prime rib and all the trimmings, cheesecake and pies and Gaynelle brought wonderful vegetarian dishes oh and her husband Don and I bonded over the champagne he brought!!!............ the tree was pretty with all the lights and ornaments that I had found in closets, a lot of them the girls made growing up and they had been saved........presents under the tree for everyone!!  The girls arrived.......they were so okay with the painting I did over the wood paneling in the living room and dining room............whew, I was scared for a moment but they really liked it!! I went out front to smoke and up pulled Gaynelle their mothers best friend and her husband and I panicked!! I was kinda stuck now I couldn't run and hide.........and she climbed outta her car and literally ran to me........OMG, she hugged me and told me you must be Lola......and I loved her instantly!!! In this moment I totally understood how she was Jan's best friend!!! Gaynelle has two sons, one is married with two of the most adorable little girls........and soon they arrived and it truly was a Merry Merry Christmas in Arroyo Grande!!!

I look back now and it makes me wonder.......why was I so afraid of every move I made that first year??  Was it my own insecurities that were haunting me?? Did I not believe that Dan's family would not wish for him to be happy for the rest of his life? Did my own reservations that I was not good enough for someone like him blind me? As usual was I trying to sabotage myself?? Did I not think I deserved to be happy for the rest of my life? And sometimes still I think I don't deserve all this!! ............and Dan!! But I try my hardest everyday to show him how much I love him and how happy he makes me!!

And as the night came to an end I think I could hear in the distance.............."Merry Christmas to all and to all a Happy New Year!!!!"  hahaha..........don't y'all believe in Santa????