Run, Lola, Run!!

You know, only an idiot would date and fall into a relationship with a man who 1) lost a wife after 39 years of marriage and 2) has three grown daughters who have no clue that you exist!! Oh yeah.......that would be me!!! lol   I continued for over a year to come over to Arroyo Grande for weekends making sure every week that he be positive that his daughters would not be popping in.......that scared me to death !! I did so want to meet them but not here at his house.  It would be hard enough to meet me anywhere but in their mothers home........absolutely NOT!!  I personally needed to meet them on neutral ground where at least I could have the least emotional baggage lurking. 

Well Dan went to Oakland and spent Thanksgiving with his daughters and then came to Fresno to spend the weekend before going home.  When he arrived, and over dinner he proceeded to tell me that he had had breakfast with the three girls that morning before he left and he decided to tell them about me.......two of them had a lot of questions and the third was rather quiet.  He asked her how she felt and she told him....."weird Dad, is it ok for me to feel weird?".......and of course it was!!!

I was besides myself for a minute!!  But he assured me it would all work out........I don't know about that!!!  So we made it through the rest of the holidays.........him spending Christmas at home with his daughters. And in January he decided we needed to meet!! Who made him the boss???? lmao   So he told his daughters to pick a date and make dinner reservations and we would come up.  He traveled from Arroyo Grande to Fresno, spent the night and Saturday morning we started up there.  We took my car so I was driving.........scared but anxious!! Right outside of Los Banos I was going to change lanes and when I glanced over my shoulder to check if it was clear......OMG.............I noticed I could see out the window!! I HAD FORGOT MY HANGING CLOTHES!!!! I screamed and instantly started to cry! Dan said....."whats wrong" and I remember I could hardly tell him between the tears and starting to hyperventilate! And he began to laugh!! Oh hell no you did not just laugh at me in the middle of me being distraught!!

Dan was able to calm me down and told me find a store here in Los Banos and we'll buy you something to wear!  You know I was not used to that kind of logic!!  Had he not been there I would have had little choice but to return to Fresno to get my clothes!!  Living paycheck to paycheck was not just a saying......it was a lifestyle!! But we did stop and I did find something to wear......in fact we both found me things to wear!!! lol He was starting to spoil me now and I didn't quite know how to handle that.  Too damned independent!!

The resturant the girls picked was a floating boat that you had to walk up the ramp to get to and it was quite lovely!! But it was in Alameda which I never knew was an Island?? Did y'all know it was an island?? So after crossing the Bay Bridge and thats a long sucker!!!, we finally found the hotel that Dan had reserved and checked in to get ready for dinner..................and to meet the girls!!!  We got to the resturant first and tried to relax MY nerves by taking some funny pictures and then the girls arrived!! There was Rachael the oldest, stunning, with her wife Lala! Lala.......Lola this is gonna be fun I could tell already!! Then there was Christy, his middle daughter and then Bethany, the baby!! lol Oh My Goodness they were beautiful and so very gracious and they all gave me a big hug.......these young ladies have so much grace and class but full of humor as well.  I was so pleasantly surprised!! And they let me climb into their conversations and within minutes I felt very comfortable. We laughed and had such a great dinner and super conversations!!  When it was over and we parted in the parking lot I felt very good about the meeting. And the girls absoluteley did not appear to have put up with me for the mere fact that they thought their father expected it.

So the next day we drove back to Fresno and Dan had to continue on to Arroyo Grande......it was Sunday!  I hurried and got online to read Rachaels Blog!! Dan told me she had been blogging for years and gave me her website one evening when we were talking on the phone.  I told him maybe I would look at it before I went to bed.  My goodness........I looked up her website......which is Yarnagogo if anyone is interested in knitting or romance novels or just good humor!! And lo and behold she had mentioned us in her blog..............This was in her blog!

""And on a totally different subject:  I have to tell you this.  We girls met my dad's girlfriend this weekend.  Lola.  (Lala and Lola! Ha)  And we were nervous, but we had the Let's Get this Over With mentality and Have a Nice Dinner attitude.  They drove up from down south, and we met them at the restaurant.

She. Was. A. Doll.  I'm so happy for my dad.  She reminded me of me, in the way that I can run at the mouth (in a good way!) when I'm nervouse and say anything that comes to mind, and in that she has a strong loving personality and a huge laugh (we were a boisterous table, so much so that a woman came over and asked my father how he'd been so lucky to end  up with all these women).  They've been together a while now, and already have stories, and I really liked hearing the way they told them together.  Then at the end, Lola said something that absolutely endeared her to me (not that she hadn't already)--she confessed that she'd been so nervous before coming that she'd asked my dad to duct tape her feet so that she wouldn't stick them in her mouth.  For some reason, I'd only thought about us, the kids, being nervous.  It hadn't occurred to me that she, the ostensible adult (hello, I'm 37!) would be nervous, too, and duh!! She was meeting FOUR of us, and we were only meeting one of her! She was so brave!

And she reads my blog, so hi Lola! and hi to your work partners, and I'm so glad I got to meet you.  Keep my dad in line, okay?  Don't let him blow anything up, please.  Thanks""

I was completely besides myself and could not wait for Dan to get home so I could call and tell him......but in the meantime I needed to make the time go by..........hahaha that meant shopping!! I wanted to get the girls a thank you card........to thank them for being so kind to me!! So off I went to pick out cards and hopefully when I got back Dan would be almost home! 

I wanted to say more to them than a card could hold ....so I decided to type them a letter and put one in each of their cards! The following is the letter I sent to them...... 

Dear Rachael, Christy and Beth,

WOW! Meeting you girls is a definite highlight in my life.  Because you are all a part of your father, automatically makes me a fan for sure.  It gave the word "intimidation" a new meaning for me I know.  But I wanted to thank you all not only for being so kind to me but to also let you know that I can relate in a way of how it must have been for the three of you.

I need to tell you a short story to help you to inderstand that I do understand what you are going through, sorta.  Not that I KNOW, because its different losing ones child in comparison to losing ones mother.  Last June I lost my daughter to pancreatic cancer.  She was my whole world.......we were not only mother and daughter, she was my best friend.  She and my wonderful son-in-law were married for 22 years and share a 20 year old son.  I love my son-in-law to pieces and he's only 41 years old.  Right now he thinks he's done, but I know in my heart and hope with all my heart that he is not.  He is such a good person and I know he loved my daughter with his whole heart and it would sadden me if I thought he would spend the rest of his life alone and I have told him this.  He deserves to laugh and find joy in the rest of his life and share it with someone equally wonderful.  All of this aside, I do know that the first time I see him with someone new, it will be like someone is stabbing my heart.

So I not only understand how hard it was for the three of you to welcome me because you love your Dad, I understand how hard it was to see him with someone new in his life.  Its one thing to know that I exist in his world and another to have to come face to face with me.  I wanted to thank you all for making me so comfortable and for making your father so happy.  I glanced at him several times that night and the look of pride for his daughters was so evident in the way his face was lit up.  I want to assure each of you that I will never do anything to take advantage of your Dad or to hurt him.  I hope that we can become friends.  You all will not replace my daughter and I know I cannot replace your mother, but I do hope because of another love we all have in common we can eventually create a bond and a comfortable friendship.  Life is too short to wonder about anything so if you have questions just ask, my life is an open book and I don't mind sharing.

Again, I thank each of you for Saturday night!!

Then I added this next part to Rachaels letter:

Lala, this is just for you!!  I know how rough it must have been for you to support Rachael through this and I thank you for being  there for her.  What a wonderful couple you make!!  How refreshing it was to spend an evening of laughter and great food with the four of you!!  I truly believe that you being there put me more at ease.  Not that you're an outsider by any stretch but it made me feel not so outnumbered.  So thank you for coming with the girls because it made Dan very happy that you came also!!

Always,

Lola

Well I came home from work one day to this email...........

""Oh, Lola,

That just made me cry.  Thank you sooooo much for it.  What a gorgeous, lovely letter, and I can't tell you how much it means.  (To Lala too.)

I'll pass it along to the girls as soon as I see them, and I know it will mean a lot to them , as well.

(But I get to keep it. Because I'm like that.)

I'm so glad you're in Dad'[s life, and I'm so glad now you're in ours.  Never to replace, like you said, but there's always room for more happiness, I think you and I both believe that.

xoxox

Rachael""

And that was the beginning of the friendship I now have with Dan's three daughters. But this was only January.........lmao